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What Makes Us Who We Are? The Inane Ramblings of a Trans Girl

March 01, 2016 at 2:00 AM

Tags: Social Opinion Image Makeup Society Transgender Trans Self Psychological Passing Appearance Thoughts
Category: Social Issues


Here at DMR, we've been tackling Social and Gender Issues since 2010. I don't know why, but it's a fascinating subject. Luckily for me, it gives me a tidy little excuse to borrow the DMR podium to talk about my strange thoughts on the subject of gender identity and related subjects. 

Aren't you soooo happy to be here right now? heh..heh..


..This is the face I must be making:

2016-01-30 17.43.11.jpg

 The transgenda... oh my god. I just made myself die. XD


Lately, I've been thinking a lot about, what makes a person who they are? What defines them? Is it the clothes they wear, the job they work, the way they look, the things they do, etc? How many of those things can you change, or take away, from that person, before they are stripped of who they were? are they really who they thought they were, if those things are all gone? 

If Jake is 'The movie guy', and is known for his prolific cinema binges, and geeking out on everything movie, and you take that away, strip him down, and put him in an empty room forever.. who is he now? The same person? did you take away his identity?

An extreme example, of course, but hopefully an effective enough way to explain to you what I'm referring to.

Now, I want to bring you to where I am, by telling you a little story...

"Sometimes I wonder, what makes me what I am. All the work it takes to simply look presentable/passable can often be overwhelming..
Want to step outside to check the mailbox? Better dress well, and spend 2-3 hours doing makeup (because that's how long it takes for me to look presentable), and you damn well have better shaved with a razor, otherwise you will be viewed as some kind of freak of nature, and ridiculed, or worse.
The other day, my girlfriend needed help carrying groceries home.. but I wasn't put together.. I couldn't make her wait 2+ hours while I got ready, so instead, I said.. hey.. let's be sneaky.. he he he... and I went into my box of pre-transition (male) clothing, got dressed, didn't do any makeup or etc, and thought I would pass myself off as male, to spare me the trouble of getting presentable. Keep in mind, I NEVER do this, I hate the very idea of it. It's an offensive thought to me, to do anything that brings me a step back to where I was before. However, it seemed to be the only feasible course of action at the time.
What I didn't anticipate, was the effect it would have on me, psychologically. I looked at myself in the mirror, and there I was... but.. the old me.. like nothing had even changed.. there I was. It was as if all my effort, blood sweat and tears, my transitional accomplishments, all meant nothing, because without the illusion of makeup, grooming, clothes, I was just, the same.
...Sometimes I wonder, what makes me what I am."
Now, obviously a story like that is a 3-course meal for the transphobic people out there, it gives them all the ammunition they need to make ridiculous comments, like "It's because you're not a female and you never will be!", etc. To be completely frank, even the comments I've received when I told my story in some trans support groups, were often negative or condescending. I assure you, I have a few choice words for these people, however, these are all subjects for other articles. 
To bring things back to the point, now we've talked about the subject of self identity and how you view yourself, and are viewed by others, from two distinct angles, with varying degrees of extremity.
So, who are you? and, are you how you see yourself, or how others see you? And, if you strip down all the layers we give ourselves, what is left?
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